Odds and Ends
by KisstheRain14
Summary: Disconnected bits of James Potter and Lily Evans; or, how two lives started as separate and eventually grew to be one.
1. 01

**So I have all of these published on my tumblr, but I figured I might as well keep back-ups over here. So... here you go. **

* * *

"Sirius, I'm pregnant."

His face assumed a horrified expression. "I'm not the father, am I?"

Lily actually beat him around the head with a pillow. "No, you _prat._"

"Then why are you telling _me?"_ He massaged his chest. "I swear my heart seized up…"

"How do I tell _James?"_ she almost wailed.

"Well, seeing as I've never been pregnant with James' spawn," he said dryly, "I'm not quite sure. How about you just say it to his face?"

"Do I just walk up to him and say 'Hello, I'm pregnant?'"

"You _are_ his wife, and knowing James, you two have probably been going at it like rabbits - "

"Shut up. Git."

" - so this should be expected."

She glared. "You're no help."

He stood up, grinning lazily as he reached for a pot on the fireplace mantel. "I know."

"What are you doing?"

_"Incendio."_

"Sirius, don't - "

He tossed in some green powder and said James' name. Too late, she started across the room.

"Lily's pregnant, mate."

_"Sirius!"_

"Good Lord, Potter, are you actually speechless? I'm bloody amazing - look at that, no words at all. Someone write this down; it should be inscribed into history books."


	2. 02

"James!" The living room door burst open, a clearly-excited Lily Potter barreling in. "James, I just had an idea, it's absolutely _wonderful - "_

"Someone's conceited," Sirius snorted.

She glared. "Coming from you?"

He shrugged. "I never claimed to be perfect. Oh _wait…"_

James rolled his eyes. "What's up, Lily?"

She beamed. "We should get a dog."

Sirius choked.

"Can we name it Padfoot?" James asked, roaring with laughter.

Lily frowned. "Not quite where I was going, but…"

"No." Sirius stood up. "I absolutely refuse to allow a dog named Padfoot in the house."

"This isn't your house," Lily reminded him.

"It's as good as!"

"We allow _you_ in," James pointed out, wiping mock-tears from his eyes. "Merlin, this is too funny…"

"Lily?" Sirius's tone suddenly became conversational. Both Lily and James crossed their arms warily. "Did I ever tell you what happened in fifth year when James tried to ask you out by the Charms corridor? Say, around March?"

James's eyes widened. "Padfoot, mate - "

"No, what happened?" Lily moved closer, arms unraveling as her curiosity peaked.

Sirius grinned devilishly. "Don't get a dog and I'll tell you."

"Sirius…"

"Come on, Padfoot, you swore you'd never bring that up again!"

"James, what on earth could you have done that was so bad, even _you lot_ won't talk about it?"

Sirius laughed manically. "Oh, there are certain things that should never be discussed."

A week later, the Potters came home with a kitten.


	3. 03

She wouldn't have worn these shorts if she'd known that he was going to come over.

But that's life, she supposes. Waking up at 1:38AM because someone rings your doorbell and swinging the front door open to find an ex-boyfriend on your steps is something that Lily hasn't dealt with yet, but she's prepared to take it in stride. She has to.

So now he's standing in the middle of her tiny foyer as she clenches her teeth against the tiny cloth shorts she wore to bed three hours prior. To his credit, he's not looking, but it still makes her uncomfortable. She swears not to be lazy anymore and install an adjustable Cooling Charm system as soon as possible.

"What, James?"

He's staring steadily at her face, his expression inscrutable as he tries to make sense of hers. She doesn't think she's making it all that hard - disgust is something pretty easy to read. But he might be delving past that particular mask and looking for something else, a thought that makes her uneasy. So she breaks eye contact and heads to her bedroom, making sure he doesn't follow.

"What are you doing?"

"Changing."

She expects a smart crack about her legs, her choice of sleepwear, _something._ She doesn't expect his silence. It unnerves her.

"James, what's going on?" She walks back over to him, a more decent pair of shorts in her hands (it's still unbearably hot in her apartment, okay?) as her eyes sweep his profile. She notices nothing out of the ordinary.

"James," she repeats. "Stop staring at me and start talking."

"Were your legs always that long, or are you going through a late growth spurt?" he finally says, but it doesn't comfort her. The flirty comment has come too late and it's obviously forced. Lily knows a lot of things about James Potter, but forced flirting doesn't even touch the list.

"I swear to God, if you don't tell me what's wrong in the next three seconds - "

"My father's dead."

The shorts make a dull _smack_ against the floor.

* * *

She knows why he came to her: _old habits die hard._ And she can quite honestly say that she knows him the best, with the obvious exception of the Marauders. She knows that he wasn't close to his father at all. She knows that he vents his feelings by partying hard and getting angry at little things. And she knows that he'd rather make out than talk about it.

She's mentally preparing herself to turn James away without hurting his feelings any more than they already are, but all of a sudden he's turning around and heading back to the front door. He slips into his shoes, expression blank as he says, "I need you to tell Moody I won't be reporting to work for about two days. Tell him it's a family death. Good night, Lily."

And then he's gone.

For a moment she feels ridiculously stupid - _she was expecting him to jump into bed with her? _- before she realizes that he could've gone to anyone else in the Auror Office to report the news, including Fabian and Gideon or even Marlene. But he chose to come to her instead.

She doesn't know what to make of that.

* * *

It's been three days since the news and Lily hasn't told anyone. Marlene, Dorcas and Mary realize that something's off, but they wisely stay away from mentioning it. It's been a tense period of time; one match and the whole thing could go up in flames.

Alice, bless her heart, had called for a night of partying to 'bring some life back to Lily.' Unfortunately, the Marauders caught wind of the plan just six hours before it started and they corrupted it with their own partying ideals. That's why Lily is now stuck near the bar (Marlene and Mary wanted drinks) with the dim lighting getting on her nerves and smoke from fags and an obscure Smoky Charm Sirius had found clogging her lungs. She pushes a lock of hair from her face and huffs.

"Can I go home yet?" she whines.

"No. Not until you loosen up." Mary's tone is stern as she takes a sip of her martini. "I want to see that lipstick smudged by the end of the night. By _other lips,_" she clarifies as Lily's finger hovers over her mouth.

Lily's gaze flickers around, politely disinterested as she spies Dorcas hitting on one of the bouncers while keeping a subtle eye on Remus and Alice giggling over a fruity cocktail with Frank. Then her eyes skim their immediate surroundings and she sees James pinning some random Improper Use of Magic Department brunette - _Carrie,_ her mind suppliments, _same year but was in Ravenclaw_ - to the wall, his face buried in her neck as his hands go to work. The girl meets Lily's gaze and tilts her head up, allowing James more room. Her eyelids flutter but she keeps staring across at Lily.

Everyone from Hogwarts knows about Lily and James.

She unconsciously cringes away, Marlene and Mary immediately following her line of sight. "That_bitch_," Marlene hisses.

Lily takes Marlene's drink, downs it all, then exits the club.

* * *

She doesn't care about the girl. She cares about James and the way he's falling apart. She doesn't care that he's making out with girls in public. She cares about what that means. That's why she knocks on his door a week later, sopping wet and almost drowning in the summer rain.

His eyes are dark when he wrenches the door open. Later, she'll realize that his expression softened when he saw her. Now though, she's not quite sure. "What, Lily?"

No _Evans._ No _Ginger._ Just Lily. She was Lily and he was James and they were both slowly cracking.

"Can I come in?" she asks, past the point of caring about social etiquette. He raises an eyebrow but steps aside. She ignores the sarcastic tilt of his mouth and slips out of her shoes, staying in the linoleum foyer until he grabs a few towels and tosses them at her. As she dries off, she looks around and notices the increase in cigarette packs. The increase is so small that she's surprised she noticed it at all, but then again, it's James_._ He's practically a part of her after all they've been through, whether it be Hogwarts or romance or fights or saving each other's lives.

"What do you want?" he asks listlessly, leaning against the wall. She's reminded forcibly of Alice's party.

"I know you well enough to know that you need someone to check up on you every few days when you're in this mood," she says bravely, monitoring his expression. His mouth tightens slightly, but that's it. Better than she expected.

"Well, I've been getting something a bit better than a check up lately," he says, and then his bedroom door opens as if on cue. The brunette - _Carrie_, her mind insists - steps out, sending a curious look over at the two of them.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing," they reply simultaneously. The woman raises her eyebrows.

"I'll just get going then, shall I?"

"No, I was just - "

"See you." James doesn't look at Carrie, not even when she picks up her purse and leaves. His eyes are trained on Lily and she's never felt more uncomfortable in her life.

"That's not a _check up_," she manages to get out when the door shuts. "That's _sex._"

"Same thing, aren't they?"

"No, they aren't_._"

"Well, you'd certainly left that impression."

He expects her to slap him, yell, _something._ Instead she looks at him with sad eyes. He looks away first, unable to keep up his stony facade for long. "What do you want, Lily?" It comes out weary and tired.

"I want _you."_ His head snaps back up, disbelieving. "I want you to come back and be yourself again," she clarifies. "I want you to stop moping. I want you to stop being such an _ass_ to everyone."

He laughs humorlessly, empty hope trickling out of his body again. "My father just died. Give a guy some time to mourn."

"You've been like this since before Mr. Potter died," she says sharply. "You can't use that excuse on me."

"What do you want me to say?" he demands, cheeks flushing as his voice starts to rise. "That I'll change for you? That I'll be a better person for you? That I'll give myself up and reform to your ideals just because I love you that damn much?" He spreads his arms wide, cocking an insolent eyebrow at her. "What you see is what you get, baby."

"I'm not expecting any love from you!" she shoots back, voice finally getting louder. He's not sure if he feels relieved or hurt. "I'm just worried about you because I know how you get when you decide everything's crashing down around you!"

"'Crashing down around me?'" he echoes. "What the hell do you know, Lily? How can you just walk in here and assume you can pry me open? You're asking me to open up to _you_ when you know damn well why that's not possible!"

"And whose fault is that?" Her cheeks are pink and her hair is curling from the rain water; a corner of his mind is fascinated by the sliver of skin that peeks out of her hoodie as it slips down her shoulder.

"If you're trying to pin this on me - "

"I'm not trying to pin it on anyone!" She throws up her hands in exasperation. "That's my _point._ You're so damn obsessed with gathering all the blame to yourself that you never stop to think about whose fault it actually is! In this case, it's no one's - don't you get that?"

He takes a deep, shuddering breath. Silence echoes around the apartment, ringing and loud in their ears after the shouting.

"I just…" All the fight drains out of him and his shoulders visibly slump. "Why did we fall apart, Lily?"

She shakes her head slowly. "I don't know."

He looks back at her, hazel eyes splintering into shards of green and brown. "I should have loved my father when he was alive."

She moves forward ever so slowly, as if trying to approach a deer without startling it. She wraps her arms around him, leaning on his chest as he sags against her. This is familiar territory - they're used to holding each other when they're breaking apart, ripping at the seams. This is normal, this is used-to-be.

And then they're kissing, because that's the next step they always took. It's not like there was any conscious decision to do so; they just did before, so they do now. It never quite gets old.

She breaks the kiss first, looking up at him firmly. "I'm not going to be a Carrie."

He breathes out. "Tomorrow," he promises, fingers on her jawline that's still sticky from rain. "Tomorrow I'll say everything."

She'd normally argue, insist he tell her here and now. But she can tell that this is what's holding him together, the chance to push everything away for one night and face his monsters in the sunlight tomorrow. So she nods and kisses him again, choosing to push all her problems and questions away for him as well.

The bedroom door shuts quietly behind them.


	4. 04

He kisses her again, refusing to let either of them talk because that's what he's scared of: words. She lets him for a while, hands resting against his back. His skin is pulled tight across his shoulder blades, making him feel oddly vulnerable.

James Potter is never vulnerable.

She pushes him away eventually, only because she knows that making out isn't going to get them anywhere. "James." She forces his gaze to hers. "You need to talk about this."

He rolls his eyes and heads toward the front door of their cottage, grabbing a jacket on the way. "Forget it, Lily."

_"Colloportus," _she says calmly. He whirls on her, expression disbelieving. "You are _not_ getting drunk tonight. I don't care if I have to use a Permanent Sticking Charm. Sirius, Remus and Peter will refuse to take you, and you getting drunk alone never turns out well."

"Lily, if you think - "

"I meant it when I said 'for better or for worse' in the vows, James." She fixes him with a level gaze.

"I have every right to do what I want," James spat. "My parents were just murdered for advocating equal rights. _Murdered._"

She reaches forward and plucks the jacket from his grip, hanging it back up. She then takes his hand and leads him over to their tiny living room, watching his stony face as she forces him to sit down.

Her green eyes are bright and earnest as they look straight at him. There's a long silence in which she brushes hair out of his face and cups his cheek, never letting go of his other hand. "It's okay to cry," she tells him quietly.

And after a while, he does.


	5. 05

"James…?" He looks up to see Lily Evans standing in front of him, chewing her lip and looking uncomfortable.

Normally, he'd make a cheeky comment about it being his job to ravish her lip like that. Today, he's not in the mood.

"What is it, Evans?" He can tell that his tired tone takes her by surprise - he's usually all swagger and testosterone in front of her.

"I just noticed… well, it's not like I was - that is to say - oh Merlin, just… _here_." She thrusts something white and rectangular at him, face turning pink under his bewildered stare.

"Er, all right…" He takes the package and opens it slowly, watching from the corner of his eye as she fidgets. The lid finally comes off and he peeks inside, expecting the worst and finding…

… three treacle tarts, lined up neatly with powdered sugar dusting their tops.

He looks up at her. She looks down at him. There's a long silence.

"Evans, I don't - "

"You looked unhappy today," she bursts out. "I don't know why you were or what made me notice, but you were and I did. And everyone knows you like those tarts because you go after them like a madman at the tables whenever they're out, so I channelled my inner Marauder and went to tickle the green pear and asked the house elves to wrap them up and they did, so then I went to find Black and he said you were sitting _here,_ in the _library_ of all places, and I came to find you half because I couldn't believe you were here and half because you just looked so bloody _sad_ today that I couldn't just leave you all alone like this, moping about and infecting everyone with your stupid depression!" She accents her last word with a rough shove against his shoulder, but he barely notices.

A grin unfurls on his face as he stands up slowly. "So… you snuck into the kitchens, breaking a school rule - "

"You break it all the _time, _Potter - "

" - got my favorite dessert, asked Sirius where I was - "

" - it's not hard to figure out, and besides, I just happened to run into Black - "

" - tracked me to the library and tried to cheer me up, all because we're _mortal enemies?"_

She shuffles her feet and avoids his gaze. "Well, I can't be mean to you if you're already sad. That's like kicking you when you're down."

He holds the box up and gives her a look, one that covers skeptical but teeters just on the edge of thankful. She tilts her chin up and dares him to say something.

"Lily, I - "

_"What are you doing? Depraving my books by bringing in food! And treacle, nonetheless - Potter, Evans! Out! Out!"_


	6. 06

It's the way they dance, you think.

Not literal dancing, but the way they maneuver around each other, how they pull in one direction and push in the other, somehow always managing to keep everything in a neat box step that goes nicely with the rhythm.

It's strange, really. Conversations are short and stilted, always falling back on the same bland topics they always discuss. But then they find a point to disagree on. Words fly faster and burrow deeper, looks are flashed and interpreted and returned. It's like a game, only not.

Then there are the quieter moments. The whispered words, the shared opinions, the sliver of raw self that peeks out before retreating ever so softly. But these never last long. You're back to yelling confessions and he's back to building walls.

They're back to fire and steel, and cuts that burn late at night.

But sometimes, only on days when it feels like you're walking on glass, only on delicate days when you can't push the boundaries further lest they rip, he looks over his shoulder at you and smiles. He smiles tentatively, like a secret that slips from mouth to ear. It's almost timid. It wavers. It's gentle.

And you can't help but smile back because really, not only does that expression tug at your lips, it tugs at your heartstrings as well.


	7. 07

It starts when Marley drops the Quaffle. She doesn't mean to, but a Slytherin Beater launches a Bludger her way and she loses control while swerving. James dives to catch it, neck and neck with Slytherin Chaser Yaxley. The crowd screams as the two players hurtle towards the ground.

Just as James gains the lead, Yaxley calls something out to him, the words lost on the wind. James whirls around and his hand plunges into his pocket, mahogany wood slipping out from the folds, but Yaxley takes advantage of the distraction and kicks out, his foot connecting with James's stomach. They're twenty feet from the ground and James doubles over on his broom, falling off in that split second of shock. The Gryffindor side gasps as their Captain falls, then roars with anger as his body hits the ground with a thud.

Lily is suddenly aware of the wand that presses against her side and she grasps it firmly, running down the stands as Madam Hooch blows her whistle.

Yaxley and the rest of his team lands, smirks fading as James struggles up and lunges at his attacker. The rest of Gryffindor alights and runs toward the fight, Sirius arriving at the scene before anyone else. He pushes the two boys apart, whispering urgent words into James's ear. Marley screams at a laughing Marissa Parkinson as Frank Longbottom goes head-to-head with Lestrange.

James and Yaxley are still too close to each other and Yaxley shoves at James's chest. James grabs at Yaxley's robes, both of them colliding as they snarl at each other. Sirius, unused to playing the peacemaker, simply lets them continue. Madam Hooch isn't getting to the center of the fight fast enough.

"James!" Lily runs down the length of the pitch and shoves Yaxley away from him, the Slytherin boy moving easily due to his shock at Lily's appearance. "James, stop, you might have broken something - "

"Look at that filth trying to defend you," Yaxley sneers, making a quick recovery. James's fist shoots out and connects with the Slytherin's jaw.

"James!" Lily is appalled, having expected hexes or jinxes as opposed to the open display of Muggle fighting.

"Fuck you, bastard," James spits at Yaxley, even as Madam Hooch finally arrives on the scene.

"That's _quite_ enough! Potter, to the Hospital Wing, with two weeks of detention for such violence. The game will be postponed. Yaxley, three weeks' worth of detention."

Yaxley's smirk disappears. "Professor!"

"I _will_ increase it to a month," she threatens. Taking note of Lily's restraining hand on James's chest, she adds, "Ms. Evans, if you'll escort Mr. Potter to the Hospital Wing."

Lily nods curtly and takes James's hand, tugging insistently until he follows her. They're both silent on their way to the Wing, the clamor of the match growing fainter as they get deeper into the castle.

Lily finally turns to look at him when they get to the Hospital Wing, expression fierce as they stand in the middle of the ward. "What on earth could have prompted you to do something as stupid as turning on Yaxley in the middle of the game, not to mention punching him in the face?"

James's eyes haven't lost the fire they'd held on the pitch, and it blazes all the more strongly now. "We may not be going out yet, Evans, but that doesn't mean I'll tolerate someone calling you a Mudblood whore. Especially not a bastard like Yaxley."

Then Madam Pomfrey sweeps in between them and starts fussing over James, various potions on a tray and her wand already out. Lily just stands there, mouth open and mind whirling, and James Potter gives her one last scorching look before Madam Pomfrey pushes him onto a cot and draws the curtain around him.


	8. 08

As Lily surveyed the chaos in her kitchen, she concluded that she was living with not one child, but two. There was simply no other explanation for the uncooked spaghetti noodles on the floor, the strainer that had been flung on the counter, the half-filled pot of (lukewarm) water on the (unlit) stove, and the spilled tomato sauce that had created something that looked grotesquely like antlers.

"James _Potter_! If you don't get your bloody _arse_ down here in three seconds, I swear to Merlin I will snap your _wand._"

A pair of bespectacled eyes peeked at her from around the corner, followed by a long nose and crooked grin. "Hello love. How are you?" Baby Harry gurgled happily from his father's arms.

"How," Lily bit off, "did this disgusting mess happen?"

"Er…" Her husband scratched his head, expression becoming endearingly puzzled. "I'm not quite sure, to be honest. All I remember is wanting to surprise you with lunch, but then Harry tipped the noodles and started painting with the sauce, so… things sort of progressed from there." He gave her a pleading look. "Please don't hurt me."

She pointed at the wreckage. "Clean it. Now." James let out a relieved sigh and reached for his wand, but her eyes narrowed dangerously at the sight. "Give me that."

"But - "

"Now."

James sighed again, this time more resignedly, as he handed Harry and his wand over. He reached for a washcloth and shot Lily a wounded look, betrayal clear in his eyes. She smirked and marched out of the kitchen, cooing at Harry on the way.


	9. 09

"You arrogant - "

" - stuck up - "

" - self centered - "

" -whiny - "

" - go _away!"_

A collective sigh ran around the Gryffindor common room as James Potter thundered down the boys' dormitory stairwell. "I'm only leaving because I never want to see you _again,"_ he seethed, glasses flashing as he shot a murderous look up the stairs he'd just descended.

A rush of raging hair and black robes shot down the same staircase, stopping just short of James. Lily Evans shoved him roughly out of her way, muttering something about pretentious arses who wouldn't know tact even if it bit them in said arse. James stopped in the process of stalking over to his group of friends (all of whom shrank away from him, although Sirius Black would later deny it) and turned around.

_"What_ did you just say?"

"I _said,_ you're an arse who should just go _die_!" Lily screamed back, ignoring Marlene McKinnon's restraining hand on her arm. Remus Lupin tugged calmly on the back of James' robes, his expression stating quite clearly that he was used to this sort of thing by now.

"So _now_ who's lacking tact, Evans?"

"Obviously still you, you big-headed, obnoxious, irritating _twat!"_

"Sod off!"

"No, _you sod off!"_

"No,_ you!"_

Peter Pettigrew shuddered as the Fat Lady's portrait slammed shut behind Lily. Dorcas Meadowes, Mary MacDonald and Marlene all hurried after her.

James threw himself into an armchair by the fire and glared at it angrily. "Well?" he demanded as the silence continued, looking about the common room. "Show's over, get on with whatever the hell you lot were doing!"

A sudden wave of babble started up again, a little too loud to be actual conversation. Sirius leaned forward and muttered, "You two have got to stop doing that."

James' shoulders stayed in a rigid line for (according to Peter's watch) two minutes and forty seven seconds as he stared at the flames. Then they started to drop slowly, one hand coming up to remove his glasses as the other rubbed at his eyes. "Shit," James said finally.

"Yes, just about," Remus replied cheerfully, never looking up from his Transfiguration essay.

"I'll be right back," James mumbled, replacing his glasses on the bridge of his nose and standing up. At this one movement, the conversation amongst the Gryffindors, which had finally resumed normal levels, died down again.

The creak of the Fat Lady's portrait sounded clearly in the room as Lily re-entered, casting her eyes down and wringing her hands.

"Whose turn is it this time?" Peter whispered to Remus.

"Well, Lily apologized first week before last - "

"Yes, but they had that argument three days ago, remember, and James apologized first then - "

"Sorry," Lily murmured, confirming Sirius' point as she looked up at James.

"Me, as well," he replied quietly, tentatively reaching out with his hand. Lily took it gratefully, a small smile reappearing on her face.

"And there goes the hand-holding; we're in the clear," Peter snickered.

The Gryffindor common room heaved a sigh of mutual relief as the couple slowly disappeared up the boys' dormitory stairs.


	10. 10

"Oi, Evans." The low, almost brutish call echos down the hallway as Lily is completing her rounds; she whips around quickly, alarms going off in her head as she registers the late hour.

"You can't be out of bed so la - "

"Come off it, Head Girl," the boy drawls, smirking. Lily straightens as she recognizes his flat face, his glinting eyes, in the light of her lit wand. "Surely you can make an exception for me?"

"Not at all, Avery," she says quietly, gripping her weapon tighter. The wood is cool against her sweaty palm. "In fact, I'm going to have to ask you to return to the dungeons as soon as possible. Meaning now."

Avery's smirk widens. "I don't think you understand, mudblood." He draws even closer, his own wand outstretched. Lily points hers carefully at his chest. "When I said you could make an exception, I meant _make an exception._"

"I don't think so. What are you even doing here? This is the Potions corri - " She cuts off as it hits her. "Making illegal brews, are we?" she asks, tone dangerously soft. "Maybe something to help your _Dark Lord_?"

Avery snarls. "How dare you speak his name from your filthy lips."

_"Expelliar - "_

_"Crucio!"_

_"PROTEGO!" _

A third voice emerges from the shadows behind Avery, an almost bluish dome blossoming from the air and knocking the Cruciatus Curse awry as the caster of the shield quickly advances. James, hazel eyes burning in the blue wash of light, knocks the Slytherin's wand out of his hand and jabs his own against his jaw. "I'll give you three seconds, scum," he mutters quietly, kicking the other wand down the hallway towards the dungeons.

Avery hisses something Lily can't hear, but James only raises his eyebrows and murmurs something back. The Slytherin's eyes widen infinitesimally and he breaks away from James, snatching up his wand and cursing as he backs away. The Shield Charm ends as he disappears from sight.

James, breathing rather heavily from adrenaline, turns back to look at Lily. "All right, Evans?"

It's the same three words she's heard for the past seven years, but for some reason they sound totally foreign as they fall on her ears tonight. She just nods, grip on her wand loosening as she stares back at James.

He clears his throat and shuffles, the Head Boy badge on his chest gleaming despite its much-abused appearance. "My rounds are, uh, this way, so…" He gives an odd jerk of the head and snaps around, disappearing behind a suit of armor with a curious bit of parchment poking out of his pocket.

Lily almost calls out for him to come back.


	11. 11

Marlene hurried up the stairs of the girls' dormitory and kneeled next to Lily's bed, pulling out the other girl's trunk and undoing the latches. Lily had asked her to bring down her Transfiguration textbook so she could look up another obscure N.E.W.T term that everyone needed to know, but no one was even close to studying for. N.E. were almost a whole year away, but Lily had insisted on studying now. Marlene grinned, planning on teasing her mercilessly at dinner.

She felt the spine of a book brush her fingertips and she seized it, pulling it out from underneath Potions scales and a holey jumper. About to dash down the stairs again, she gave a perfunctory glance at the cover and blinked, noticing the glossy white cover and golden script. _Memories,_ it read; much different from the dull grey of the Transfiguration tome.

Intrigued, Marlene flipped the cover open and found herself staring at a moving photo of… herself. She was laughing and waving at the camera, sunglasses perched on top of her head and the Great Lake in the background. She flipped to the next page and found Dorcas, Alice, and Amelia all grinning back at her. Marlene smiled and touched the photo, realizing that Lily had created a scrapbook of her time at Hogwarts with each of her friends.

Perusing the book, she found multiple photos of herself and the girls, and Lily herself was scattered through a fair number as well. She caught one or two shots of Remus, always hiding his face and holding a book in his hand. Each photo was carefully centered on the page and in pristine condition, every inhabitant of the frame smiling merrily back up at her. _This is going to be a treasure after Hogwarts,_ Marlene thought.

The somber realization that she was soon to be leaving Hogwarts hit her yet again and she sighed, momentarily forgetting the scrapbook as she stared out the window. Then -

"Marly, did you find it yet? I really need to look it up!"

"I - almost, I think it's under here!" she quickly fibbed, picking up the scrapbook and flipping to the very last page. She almost dropped the book in surprise as three very different faces smirked at her.

Three quarters of the Marauders were ringed around a booth in the Three Broomsticks, all holding mugs of butterbeer and chattering. Peter was laughing so hard his knuckles were white around the mug handle; Remus was grabbing napkins from the other end of the table and shoving them at Sirius; Sirius himself had spilled his drink everywhere from the gales of laughter he was bending under (Marlene smiled at this).

_Why is this in here?_ she wondered. _I don't think that - _

Suddenly James' face moved into the frame from the upper right corner, the left side of his face dominating the view. His eyes were bright and piercing as the laughter in them settled.

His mouth moved to form a silent word, a familiar one: "Evans?"

Marlene pushed the book back into the trunk, grabbed the textbook, and bit her lip against the huge grin forming on her face. Now it was _quite_ clear why that photo had been included.

Oh, she had a lot of teasing planned for tonight.


	12. 12

She hears it from Mary who heard it from Marlene who heard it from Benjy who heard it from Sirius.

At first, Lily doesn't know whether she's surprised or not. There's a dull ache in the back of her chest that she translates into shock, but then a heartbeat later she realizes it _hurts_.

"Snogging in the Arithmancy corridor after hours - "

" - not that big a deal, it was bound to happen - "

" - after hours, in true Marauder fashion - "

"- it wasn't like he was going to wait for Evans forever."

She pretends not to hear that last part.

It's even worse when she goes down to breakfast and he's just a few people down on the bench, laughing and chatting with his mates while the girl in question is sitting on his other side.

Lily averts her gaze and spoons scrambled eggs onto her plate, reaching for the salt shaker as she forces herself to answer Dorcas's question about Potions. Honestly, she's seventeen years old, a witch of age by Wizarding World standards, and plenty mature enough for her age group. She can handle herself, can't she? She can be sensible and avoid all this useless heartache, right?

"All right, Evans?" His voice comes from right behind her and she starts, whirling around in her seat to meet his gaze. He's grinning right at her even as the girl behind him frowns, his eyes bright with laughter and secrets.

"Fine," she bites off, fighting the urge to stick her tongue out at both of them. His smile dims a little at her cool reception and he shoots her a reproachful look, one that screams, _I thought we were getting along better now_, before he gives her a curt nod and walks away. The girl (Lily thinks her name is Juliana, she just doesn't want to use it) flounces away beside him, laying a hand on his forearm and giggling.

Lily can't bring herself to talk to him during Transfiguration or Charms, then avoids his gaze during Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and lunch. She doesn't know why she's reacting like this to a piece of gossip about James Potter - or maybe she does know and she just doesn't want to admit it. Either way, it's late and she's on her Head Girl rounds when she realizes they haven't interacted all day, save for that cold exchange during breakfast. It's a strange feeling, but what's stranger is that she noticed it at all.

She doesn't have long to ponder this before the shadow in the next alcove _moves_.

"Bloody hell, Lily, it's just me. Who're you expecting to show up, Voldemort?" James's quiet voice fills the space between them and Lily relaxes for a split second before tensing up against for a totally different reason. She slips her wand back in her pocket and crosses her arms.

"What do you need?"

"Well, other than the fact that we were supposed to patrol together, seeing as how we're both Heads, I'd like to know what I've done wrong." He mimics her stance, except his is accompanied with a frown.

"Nothing." It's true, after all. "You've done nothing wrong at all."

"Don't give me that shite," he says unexpectedly, face tightening. "If you have a problem with Juliana - "

Her temper flares immediately. "I don't _have a problem_ with anyone!"

"Yeah? Doesn't seem like it, does it? I mean, it's not like you weren't scowling at the pair of us all day or anything, no."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I dunno, you tell me! You're the one with the temper!"

"You're being ridiculous," she seethes, moving to shove past him. He grabs her sleeve, turning her back around.

"We're not done - "

"Well I am, so let go - "

"Dammit, Evans!"

"What, Potter? What could you _possibly_ have to say? Just go back to Juliana and snog her or something, since that's apparently what you're up to these days!"

He's abruptly furious, hand fisting in the material of her sleeve. "Merlin, Evans, you have _no right_ to be jealous, not after everything that's happened over the years!"

"Jealous? Are you joking?"

"No, but I bloody well wish I was. You can't push me away for years on end, then get uptight and rude when I go and take a chance with another girl!"

And that's when Lily realizes that that's exactly what this looks like to everyone: bitter Lily Evans throwing away what she thinks is trash, then trying to steal it back from the person who realizes its worth. She glares at James, too frightened and angry to say anything else, then yanks her sleeve out from his grasp and backs up.

"Sorry for whatever I did. Feel free to do as you like," she says icily, spinning on her heel and stalking away.

She hears James swearing behind her as she rounds the next corner, tears pricking ominously at her eyes.


	13. 13

Lily collapsed on her (their) bed, kicking off her shoes and tossing her wand onto her (their) bureau. It'd been another long day at St. Mungo's, under an erratic, temperamental boss whom she suspected was also a raging sexist and closet pervert. She groaned as a particularly frustrating moment regarding the health of a patient resurfaced in her mind and rolled over, burying her face in her (actually, his) pillows.

"You have a freckle on your ankle. How did I not notice that before?" James's voice was amused as he leaned against the doorway.

"How can you see that from there?" she asked, voice muffled.

He raised an eyebrow. "Well apart from my superhuman eyesight and x-ray vision, this room is tiny, love. I'm barely three inches from the edge of the bed."

She giggled despite herself. "X-ray vision wouldn't help see things far away, you git."

He waved that off as he climbed onto the bed with her, hugging her tightly as she pulled the blankets over them. "I failed Muggle Studies. That's my excuse for everything."

"That, and 'Sirius made me do it,'" she agreed. She snuggled closer to him and kissed him once before sighing. "I hate my boss."

"I still say you should let me hex him and throw him in the Thames."

"But then you'd get arrested and I'd be left boyfriend-less."

He pretended to think about it. "That's true. Besides, I don't think my cellmate would be happy if I did the things I do to you, to him."

She grinned. "Depends on what he likes," she joked. "But what things are you talking about?" she continued, feigning ignorance.

"Oh, you know, things like this - " he pushed aside her tank top strap and kissed the skin there - "and this - " a kiss to her cheek - "and _this_." She met him halfway for a kiss on the lips, one that lasted for maybe a few seconds, maybe eternity. When they parted, she smiled.

"Oh, those things," she said, grasping the hem of his shirt to bring him closer. "I can _definitely_ take a monopoly on those things, since your cellmate doesn't want them."

"Sounds good to me."

"Yeah, yeah. This is the part where you stop talking, Potter."


	14. 14

"Okay, three… two… one… _run!_" Lily pressed the doorbell and grabbed James' hand, streaking around the house and hiding behind a car two doors down as he followed bemusedly.

"I don't understand what - "

"Shh. Look." The two teenagers watched as a grumpy looking matron yanked the door open and peered around her porch before throwing up her hands and stalking back inside, the glass windows of the house shaking as she slammed the door closed again. Lily doubled over with laughter as soon as the sound echoed around the street.

"Er… what was that?" James asked, a baffled smile stretching over his features at her amusement.

"It's this Muggle pranking game called knock and run, it's absolutely hilarious to play on this street because everyone living here is so stuck up… Oh God, Mrs. Greaver's face when she came out…"

"So you ring the doorbell and run away before they answer it, yeah?" he asked. "I don't see why that's amusing. You could just leave Dungbombs on their porches or something."

Lily sobered and shot him a half-reproachful, half-mirthful glance. "But that'd leave lasting effects. The good thing about this game is that it's annoying enough to be funny, but not necessarily bad."

James grinned at her. "You're responsible even when you're pranking."

"Well, I mean…"

"Wait, you're _pranking!_ Dear Merlin, Lily Evans is actually _pranking_ people! Oh, wait till I tell everyone at Hogwarts about this - "

"Don't you dare, James Potter!" She glowered for half a second before tugging on his hand again. "Come on, then, you do the next one. I bet you'll be rubbish at it."

"Prepare to lose a Galleon on that bet, Evans." James snuck up the closest driveway and paused by the front door, hovering indecisively for a moment. Lily snorted at his hesitance and motioned at him to go on. He bit his lip and pressed the small white button on the side of the door, jumping when the ringing sound reached his ears.

"Run, you git, _run!_" Lily cried, still crouching behind the car. James turned back to look at her, comprehension dawning on his face, but by then it was too late.

An older gentleman with a newspaper in hand opened the door with a curious look at James; Lily ducked out of sight. "Yes, what can I do for you?"

"Er…" James blinked. "I'm helping the Ministry with a survey?"

"Oh, all right then. What's the question?"

"Do you prefer broomsticks or Floo Powder?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you - oh _bugger,_ you're a _Muggle_."


	15. 15

"This isn't a fucking game!" His voice echoes through the Common Room as blood drips onto the carpet, and for a second Lily can't do anything but watch as the crimson droplets fade into the equally crimson fabric. Then her gaze snaps up to his white face and all she can think is, _Oh, wrong color._

There are people peering out at them from the staircases now, clad in pajamas and bathrobes as they watch the fight unfold. Part of her feels bad for waking them, but most of her just wishes they'd leave. They don't need an audience while they argue, not this time. Not after what just happened in the corridor. She makes a mental note to go back to that corner and make sure the Slytherins didn't leave any incriminating marks, feeling detached from the thought even as she thinks it.

"I never treated it like it was," she says finally, feeling the same weary pressure that she's been feeling every time she talks to him lately pounding at her temples. "You were always the one joking about it, acting like you didn't care one way or the other - "

"How the hell could you assume I didn't care?" His voice is too angry; it whips up her own temper despite her best efforts to stay calm. "I was always the one making the effort, trying to get your attention, actually _trying, _for Merlin's sake. You sat around and toyed with me, always flitting from one opinion to the other and kicking me while I was down!"

"Trying to get my attention by - by what, hiding my Prefect badges and stealing my notes and acting like a child? What about _embarrassing_ me in front of my oldest friend and other random fifth years after the O.W.L.S.?"

"We were fifteen!" he bellows, torn knuckles clenching again. "But I wouldn't take that moment back for the goddamn world, Lily, not if it means you'd still be friends with Snape - "

"I can make my own decisions!" she screams back, composure snapping. "I don't need you to take care of me! I had things under control, I've proved in the past that I'm perfectly capable of handling Avery, you know that! I don't need you to _kill_ yourself trying to act like you _care_ or whatever the hell runs through your mind whenever you - "

"What if it's not acting?" he shouts, and she can feel the vibrations of his voice shake the floor beneath her feet. The very air seems to freeze over before his shoulders drop from their defensive hunch, livid red gashes jutting out in sharp relief against his skin as they shift over his bones. "What if I'm not acting?" he asks again, voice suddenly as tired as she feels. "I don't do this for the fun of it, Evans. I don't get some morbid kick from cutting myself open."

"Then why the hell do you even bother doing it?" she asks, voice almost harsh enough to cover the tremble in the middle.

He simply stares at her, and she immediately wants the angry tone of the argument back. Angry is good, angry prevents rational thought and deeper analysis and internal questions that she can't answer. She wants to snap at him to go to Madame Pomfrey, to straighten his Head Boy badge, to stop _fucking looking at her_ like she's the most painful pleasure he's ever had the misfortune to experience, because that look on his face is everything that both of them are too proud to say and everything that she's too afraid to feel.

"Maybe," he replies slowly, "that's a question you should ask yourself."

He's still bleeding Gryffindor red.


End file.
